Good day Mars,
Haven't written in a while but just wanted to throw you a little something I encountered this weekend. There are some really unstable parents out here. I had the esteem pleasure of visiting some friends this weekend and while they need to be saved, nonetheless they are really good hearted folk.
One guy, a single father, was under the influence and commenced to expressing how he reprimanded his 23 year old son. How you might say, with yelling, vulgarity and just down right embarrassment. I asked him, did he speak to his young grandchildren in this same manner, he responded, No! I was trying to find a way to get at his softer side in which I know he does possess, but to no avail.
I was instantly reminded of how my mother who when also was under the influence would do exactly the same. I was oftened embarrassed by her ways of expressing her feelings during times when I didn't please her with my behavior. All this left in me was a bitter taste for her which often times resulted in me finding every possible opportunity to stay clear of her presence, especially when she drank.
Getting back to my long "lost" friend, there was no way to get him to see that this tactic would only cause his son to eventually resent him, if he was to continue his abusive ways of reprimandment. He went even further to say he would talk to his mother, stepfather, aunts, uncles etc...he personally did not give a ***!
I was totally taken back, probably because now I'm saved and have made it my personal quest to never talk to my son in the same manner, like my mother. Remembering and never forgetting how my mother made me feel, I would never put that on my son or any child.
I told him that he will reap what he sows and when his children get older or should I say when "he" my friend gets "old", his son will treat him the same way. He rebutted with, "over my dead body!".
This man was foolish and need the Lord obviously. We need to be very careful not to abuse any substances that would alter our interactions and responses to our children when they wrong us, I do not care how old they are. The Holy Spirit once asked me, "would you yell at your friends the way you yell at your son?" I responded, "No", He said then don't ever again treat your son any different; he's a human being, whom you love and deserves the same respect.
I had to tell my girlfriend this one day when she was yelling at her children. I would never tell anybody to spare the rod, because the bible makes it clear as to what happens when we do, but it also says, and I'm paraphrasing, 'parents don't exasperate your children'. In other words, do not wear them out with words, long drawn out lectures, dissertations and never embarrass them. Alright Mars, God's watching. Be loving, understanding and considerate of everyone's feelings.
In Jesus name,
Jerri of Mars