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Friday, November 26, 2010

Remember the times...PSA announcement-"Do You Know Where Your Children Are?"

I remember that public service announcement came on every night at 10 PM. Of course I was home but that was because I was either just getting in or going out again. I think, this was back in the 80's; I was in high school.
So, the question is, "Do we know where our kids are?", to rephrase it, "Do you know where your son is?".  Not just physically but mentally, emotionally or psychologically. I can speak for all of us when it comes to communicating to our children these days. Sometimes my son lets me in but there are limits. Thank God I can read him, duh we've been living together for 20+ years.
When he's upset, he lets it all out but not always rationally, so I have to talk him down. Then I make it my business to come back later when he's calmed down because he or they never hear your rationale while in that state of mind. Then there are times when he's excited. Believe me, this is not when I'm feeling this same mood because its mostly about "video games". Yes, my son is a "gamehead"; this is a person who's totally sold out for games, their systems and what perks and cheats that come with the game. But he's excited so I gather all of my composure and find a place to be available. By the way, he's bought me a Wii active sports game so I can "workout". That idea lasted for about 6 months. This Christmas he's buying me a balance board to go with the Wii Fit game. I decided I'm going to run this time; hopefully I'll shed some inches. Lastly, he deeply confided in me so far this year, about 3 times. These are the most treasured moments. This is where he speaks about girls, social situations and other hard topics. You see my son is very private, I can't even bring his name up while speaking to my friends on the phone. My dear mothers, one of the codes to raising a man is confidentiality. We must show them that we can keep a secret, shhh! And watch how you respond too, they hate overreacting, stay calm in spite of what's going on the inside.
If they never hear it back again, then they will let you in again. Remember, you want to get in their "man-cave" as much as possible. You will not and I repeat, will not get in by being annoying. He's not your man, so Do Not! treat him like one. If you know what I mean, ok, you don't...He does not need to hear you complain, murmur, yell, rant and rave about your day, life and insecurities. There are times for that, of course show you have emotions but try to keep them positive. Cry in private, if you must and laugh in public. But do not, put yokes around his neck, so to speak with "your" life. He has enough of his own life to deal with. Talk to him and he will learn to talk to you. Show him that women can have positive emotions and he'll look for a girlfriend and eventually a wife with the same. Let's not beat up on ourselves and especially not on our sons.
His father, wherever he may be (mentally, physically, emotionally and/or monetarily), is not your son! Regardless, of how much he may look, act, walk, talk the list goes on, that you may see his father in him. Please don't remind him of how he resembles his father either; my son hates this. He lets me know, that "he's not his father", and I must agree. All these suggestions are only if your son is in a bad place emotionally with his dad. But through positive reenforcement, time and perhaps healthy counseling you two will come out on top.
Our sons are better than their dads, but we can't tell them that. But do tell him often that he is an exceptional, successful and hansom son. Now, responses however indirectly positive can denote that your putting his father down. Give him the choice to say negative things about his father, but interject with positive comments afterwards. He may need to vent his feelings, let him.  I know these suggestions may be hard but try them. Keep your negative response to yourself. Tell your girlfriends, sisters, mother or God, please not your son. Never withhold the truth but do hold your emotions. Sometimes its not what we say but how we say them.
I could go on forever because mothering a son alone can be and is challenging. I try to keep the positive constantly going. My prayer at the end of the day is to keep my son strengthened as he goes through all the doors before him. I hope he learns to be better than his father and myself, so my grandchildren will be better than my son. So, here's the question again, "Do you know where your son is?"
Remember, we mothers are not alone we have our sons, and M.A.R.S is not a bad place to be; its home and being home is good its where the heart is!
Sincerely, Jerri