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Friday, December 10, 2010

Once a liar...

Hey Mars,
Do you, would you or have you ever lied to your children to protect yourself or them? If not, then perhaps to protect another close member to the family? Even a small one or that "little white lie", so we believe it to be. I was always told, "once a liar, always a liar." Is this true? Well, its not to me. I cannot pinpoint any particular time that I've lied to my son because I have, but nothing major. Then what is "major"? I will also admit that  I have withheld the truth. You know that, don't ask, don't tell policy, sounds familiar right?
Now let me make something clear! If my son don't ask me, I'm sure not going to divulge any unwarranted information. Trust me, my son is 20 now and he is treated as an adult given the truth and all. I never was big at lying, it just never sat well with me. Most folks would say I'm too honest, but I've learned over time that I cannot say everything that comes to mind because most of the time the truth does hurt. Believe me, keeping my big mouth shut took years of practice and is still in the making.
The truth, when its absolute, hurts! but so does a lie. So, when do you tell the truth? Another cliche is, "there's a time for everything." Oh, that's biblical too; read the book of Ecclesiastics. Here's one more, "you shall know the truth and it shall set you free," now that's absolutely true. The latter verse is contingent upon remaining in Jesus' word.(John 8:31-32)
The difference between the truth and a lie to me, is that the truth eventually finds a resting place but a lie doesn't. Then were so twisted that we really don't want to know the truth even when its staring us in the face. We're so used to being lied to and being liars. I feel we just love the drama. Come on mothers, some of us can be honest enough to confess the times when we asked that so call man of ours, "tell me the truth" and "are you seeing her?" I can laugh now because the truth was staring me in the face. I've found that when I decided to choose the truth over his lying behind, I was better over time. Oh, yes I was free and I'm still free!
It's about choices and coming to the realization that our sons and children deserve what's right. Although it may hurt, like some us, he'll or they'll make it.
My prayers are if and when I have to tell him the truth regarding topics of a sensitive nature, please let me proceed with caution. I'm saying all this because I tell my students, at work, that they cheat themselves when they copy others work. And mothers when we lie to our sons about topics of a sensitive nature such as who's his  father, is he black or white, have you (mom) ever taken drugs to get high, the list can get extensively painful,  so please proceed with caution. Oh, am I adopted? yea that's a popular one! You already know the answers but that one about, who's my daddy? Well, you should be prepared because rooster do come home to crow.
This topic of lying is of a very sensitive nature. Liars can, do and have breed other liars. Also, lies in the end hurt and  I would like to believe that even our worst intentions is not to emotionally scar our sons. They do, will and presently have enough to deal with, so let's not add injury to pain. Start by not trying to be someone that your not; in other words if you have issues let him know. You are human! You cry, get pissed off and can use a few choice words. At the end of the day, your not always proud of the some of the choices you've made, but your still his mother. Don't try to be "Mother Teresa" either and damn him to hell every time he has an indiscretion. As for you moms that know and need to always wear your 'miserable patch', on your back, stop taking "it" out on him. I like to say, "if I didn't cause it, then I sure don't want to feel the effects".
Now, if you have found yourself in any of these situations then please, let's make some adjustments. Start by making minor changes in how we deal with sensitive topics because some cannot be avoided. Remember to watch how you respond, our sons can read signs very well. Emotions can be explosive...Practice being positive, be around progressive(not aggressive) people who live productive lives. Read, meditate, pray, laugh and treat yourself to something nice. You deserve it!
Lastly, break the cycle of lies but for once in your life; tell the truth!
Sincerely, Jerri of Mars