I'm sitting here in the lab and it's a beautiful day. New York's still recovering from several snow storms, the last one being all ice. My 5th graders just walked in, at least half of the class, and boy are they upset. Their complaint was that the teacher did not, no let me quote them correctly, "she never chooses the boys!” You know my heart melted; I love the boys! Girls are cute but I'm partial to boys and everyone who knows me will say the same. I have 7 brothers, 7 nephews, 2 godsons, asked God for a son and I'm a “daddy’s girl”.
Now, first things first, these particular boys are "bad". I will never tell them to their face. I never believed in using that word. I always spoke positive words to my precious son and even he had plenty of moments. Don't get it twisted, I am very stern but with explanation and love, my point gets across. These students of mine have their own issues which outside of this classroom are beyond my reach. So, after allowing them to vent, I gave them a free pass to go to a website of their fancy. Can you hear their cheers?! I never give freebies but they needed a lil sunshine.
I couldn't dare add injury to their pain nor pore salt on their wounds because their feelings are real. I could have brought up several reasons why she may have not chosen them, because I've had running’s with these very same boys. Regardless of what indiscretions they may have with their teacher, I'm sure her reasons for not ever choosing them were valid. How I choose to deal with their pain when I'm not the villain is to make it go away; with quick resolve.
The story is told all the time, the "good" girls always get to do things while the "bad" boys bare the brunt of it all. There's a saying that goes, "we raise our daughters and spoil our sons", know the word spoil here has a negative connotation. To "spoil" our sons means to disregard their behavior and reward or crush them when they fall short of our expectations. So parents pull the guilt card. You know, this type of behavior from both sons and parents supposedly rearing them will eventually end up on a dead end road. Note that boys will become men and in time the negligent behaviors and an ill-reward system do have grave consequences.
The consequences are known to be and are not limited to:
*disruptive behaviors in and out of the home especially in school
*bullying, low self-esteem, poor test scores
*becoming insatiable (never enough, always wanting)
*attention seekers (clowning, calling out, very needy)
In the end, when our young boys do something inappropriate, lay the consequences down immediately. You must always be objective, leaving our feelings aside; never too harsh or too lenient. Let the punishment fit the crime! And when tomorrow comes, let it be. Don't keep digging up his past indiscretions. Come on Mars, this is not even cool when it's done to our significant others. We must know when to let it go and move on. Start off the next day with mercy, the way God does.
Jerri of Mars